To Be Strong
by sherlock11037
Summary: Cogsworth and Lumiere realize that they have much more in common than they had previously thought. Modern AU. Dark themes with a happy ending. Oneshot.


Cogsworth had always thought that should he ever somehow find the time to settle down with someone, it would be someone with whom he shared many similarities. He had once considered the idea of two opposite personalities attracting completely absurd; he, with his brash attitude, had for so long butted heads against seemingly everyone who crossed his path. No, he was certain that he could only be happy with someone exactly like himself.

But then, Lumiere waltzed into his life and threw everything he had previously thought about love out the window.

The two were polar opposites of each other, especially back then in college. Cogsworth wanted to study all of the time, Lumiere wanted to go out and party. Cogsworth wanted to arrive at his classes early, Lumiere purposefully chose to be late to all of his classes. The two, just roommates at the time, bickered and fought constantly yet somehow became the closest of friends in a short amount of time. Cogsworth suspected this was due to some sort of voodoo magic, but Lumiere was sure that they were soulmates that were destined to bond.

And they did bond. It was in their second year of college that they became a sort of unofficial couple, a duo so inseparable that not even school and work could tear them apart. They scheduled their classes to be as similar as possible, and they started working at the same bakery so they could be with each other every day. Most say that so much time spent together can ruin a couple, but neither of them found this to be true: if anything, the connection between them only strengthened with every fleeting glance and smile. The two simply could not get enough of each other.

By the time they had graduated, they had grown so comfortable around each other and were so deeply in love (not that Cogsworth had ever thought about it like that; the thought alone was enough to turn his face beet red) that they finally officially became a thing. Upon hearing this, their friends tried their best to act surprised, but everyone had already known that the boys would get over themselves and finally admit their love for each other eventually.

It was only after college that they began to realize how similar they actually were. They both loved musicals, cooking, reading, dancing… The list itself was actually quite long, something Cogsworth found out when he decided to actually make a list of how he and his boyfriend were similar and another of how they were different. There was really only one big thing that tied them together: neither of them were comfortable with their bodies.

Cogsworth wished he was thinner.

He had always been rather large. This had never bothered him in his childhood days when he was home-schooled, but when he was forced to start attending a public school, he learned how cruel the world could really be.

He tried to make friends in those early days. However, when the bullying started, what little confidence he had was shattered. Abuse, physical and emotional, was all that the world had to offer him, it seemed. If it had been because of anything else, something about himself that he could change, then he could have handled it. But they chose to attack the one thing he simply could not alter no matter how hard he tried.

And he did try. He ate well-balanced meals, kept track of his caloric intake, and exercised regularly, but it seemed that he simply could not shave pounds as quickly as others could. After this discovery, he kept up the healthy lifestyle but eventually gave up on the idea of ever being skinny.

The bullying stuck with him, though, and was the main theme of his high school years. The abuse only made his resentment towards himself and his portliness grow, and he probably would have started starving himself if it wasn't for his loving and supportive parents and what few friends he had managed to gain.

Nowadays, whenever he would find himself before a mirror, eyes unable to tear away from his own reflection, he hated what he saw. His round middle, his too-thick thighs, his pudgy arms. There wasn't a single quality he liked about himself.

Lumiere was so kind to him, though.

"You're so beautiful just the way you are, _mon amour_."

"It's more to hold at night, more to cuddle with. There's no need to be ashamed."

"You don't have to prove anything to me; you've already won my love."

The sweet words so often helped him out of that pit of despair he kept falling into, but he wished he could truly believe his boyfriend. He tried to, but most of the time, he just felt jealous. Lumiere was as thin as a candlestick and acted so confidently around others that Cogsworth couldn't help but feel envious.

Lumiere wasn't as confident as he pretended to be, though. Sure, he put on a brave face often to reassure his love and everyone else that he was okay, but behind the walls he had spent years building up, he constantly crumbled. He had everything he could have ever asked for except for the one thing he wished for the most.

Lumiere wished he was more masculine.

It had taken months once they first started dating for Cogsworth to wind up the courage to remove his shirt in the presence of Lumiere. In turn, it took Lumiere a little over a year to go shirtless without his binder on around Cogsworth.

He supposed it wasn't really that big of a deal. Whether he was wearing the binder or not, Cogsworth still saw him as a man, but it was still so painful. Though Cogsworth was quite round, he had been blessed with a flat chest whereas Lumiere was so skinny (too skinny, if you asked Cogsworth) and had huge moobs that refused to shrink no matter how little he ate.

Even while binding, he wasn't completely happy with himself. His chest was still noticeable no matter how baggy of a shirt he wore, his face was too feminine, his voice was too high, his hips were too curvy. Whenever he got ma'amed in public or was forced to take his binder off, he felt something within him die. He would have loved to forever leave his binder on, but when he passed out at a party from having worn it for a week straight, Cogsworth intervened and started regulating its use.

At least he could somewhat pass now; in school, it had been so much worse. It was either he would have to deal with students and teachers alike treating him like dirt and telling him he was crazy or he had to put up with getting misgendered and forcing himself to just pretend to be a girl to make the world happy.

Thank the heavens he was blessed with two very accepting parents who were willing to get up and relocate schools and homes so often. They had only ever wanted their son to be happy, and Lumiere was grateful for that. Even then, switching schools wasn't always the answer as there was discrimination no matter where they went.

When he moved from France to the U.S.A. for college, Lumiere had hoped that he could find someone who would accept him for who he was, and he did. He made so many friends, and when he confided in them that he wasn't biologically male, they were so supportive of him. Especially Cogsworth. It had done wonders for his self-esteem.

Despite that, he still had doubts about himself often. There were days where he couldn't get out of bed because he simply couldn't handle the idea of not being able to pass, of not being able to be a "real" man. Cogsworth was so quick to reassure him when he was like this.

"Some men have chests, you know, there's nothing wrong with that."

"I like your hips! It makes dancing with you so much nicer."

"You're the manliest man I've ever known and that I ever will know. Don't ever assume otherwise."

Maybe he couldn't believe in these words just yet, but Lumiere knew that his relationship with Cogsworth was the healthy, wholesome solution to his problems that he'd been searching for for so long. And Cogsworth knew this too.

So maybe they weren't a conventional couple. Maybe they didn't have the figures they had always dreamed of having. Maybe they would never stop being put down for who they were, but they would never let that destroy them and their love for one another. Because even though they were so different from each other, they understood each other more than anyone else ever would. They would always struggle, surely, but if they stayed by each other's sides and help fight each other's battles, they could be strong. And the both of them had always wanted nothing more than to be strong.


End file.
